You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
