My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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