Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
