after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
