I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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