She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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