Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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