His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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