so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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