When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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