I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
