3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
