atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
