Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
