dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
