The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
