I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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