I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
