We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
