In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
