So drunk its hurt
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
