Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
