If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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