I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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