Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
