you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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