yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
