Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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