Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
