Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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