went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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