Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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