wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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