totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
