this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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