If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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