what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
