Need sex. Gaining weight.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
