i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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