how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
