So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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