I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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