I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
