i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
