Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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