He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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