Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
