omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
