Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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