I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize