I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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