Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
