So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
