So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You did what with his pubic hair?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
