I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
