my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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