He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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