I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
