jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
