I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
