whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
