She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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