I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
