M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
