I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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