he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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