addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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