I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
