I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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