Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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