what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
