all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
