he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
