Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize