so let's talk penis.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
