You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
