I want to walk on stilts...naked
there's paper in my vomit.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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