also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
