She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
