Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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