"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
