that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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