did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize