Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Are my feet made of real feet?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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