there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
