What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
