so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
