She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize