If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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