So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
