what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
These tits shall not be calmed
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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