So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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