maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize