We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
