i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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