Swine flu. Run for my life!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
