I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
