The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So vagazzling was a success
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
