WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
