I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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