just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
