Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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