I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
