i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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