i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
