Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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