I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
