So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
