I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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