We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
