Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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