I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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