Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Randomize
