And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
