She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
